tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4076480658530028659.post7936237174224039466..comments2009-01-03T14:51:56.508-08:00Comments on a journey through songwriting and life: new songstylermeettalyorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03016400599200141738noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4076480658530028659.post-49690638692813821632008-12-22T10:06:00.000-08:002008-12-22T10:06:00.000-08:00I love the vulnerability and hope i this song. It...I love the vulnerability and hope i this song. It has a great advent kind of them in the waiting part (so did the last one, come to think of it!)<BR/><BR/>Also, see how the verses on this song are much more similarly shaped? There you go! Great job.<BR/><BR/>I hate to tell you this, but I'm not sold on the chorus. For one thing it reminds me a little too much of Tomlin's "God of this city" (actually written by <BR/>Andrew McCann<BR/>Boyd Aaron<BR/>Ian Jordan<BR/>Peter Comfort<BR/>Peter Kernaghan<BR/>Richard Bleakley<BR/>I just looked it up on CCLI, still Tomlin knows how to call them!)<BR/><BR/>Next, the important thing OT wise was that our God is not like the gods of the pagans who had a god of this valley and another one for that valley, one for this town and another for the city on the hill, one for this country and another one for that country. One for the sky and another for the underworld. The contrast between that and the Israelites who believed there was just One Almighty God was stark.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, God is not just a superficial, disinterested, uninvolved, apathetic, far away God, but he is right here, right now, and wants us to let him in and be involved in every moment and every corner of our lives.<BR/><BR/>Soooo... back to the song. I would like to see the chorus say something more like...<BR/><BR/>I am lost here, Lord without you<BR/>Come and heal me.<BR/>I am nothing, Lord without you.<BR/>You are everything I need.<BR/><BR/>or something along those lines<BR/><BR/>:)<BR/><BR/>I think my responses are longer than your blog posts. Hmmm...<BR/><BR/>Again, thanks for posting all this. Hopefully my feedback is helpful and not discouraging to you.<BR/>I think you have a ton of potential as a songwriter and lots of these things are so subjective, but I think it's better to have some feedback than none and especially from someone who really cares and has some similar skill.<BR/><BR/>Keep up the great work!<BR/><BR/>jasonjchollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14009689343714820119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4076480658530028659.post-28874805308184037782008-12-22T09:50:00.000-08:002008-12-22T09:50:00.000-08:00"Like a Song"Again, man you are the king of beauti..."Like a Song"<BR/><BR/>Again, man you are the king of beautiful visual imagery. verse 1 is beautiful that way. I also love the whole idea, especially expressed in the chorus and verse 2. I'm not convinced they both belong in the same song, but they are both gorgeous!<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure that I can sing<BR/>"everyday we run away knowing<BR/>we're running away from You"<BR/>I'm still mulling those lines over.<BR/><BR/>Reading this makes me want to dance and fly and swim! woohoo! I want to hear the music!jchollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14009689343714820119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4076480658530028659.post-59511601103803227612008-12-22T09:44:00.000-08:002008-12-22T09:44:00.000-08:00I will sing.Theme:I love the contrast between "Whi...I will sing.<BR/><BR/>Theme:<BR/>I love the contrast between "While the nations say you aren't here... I will sing for you!"<BR/><BR/>I may go overboard on this, but I am captain obvious/cheesy and I think we could still work on concentrating the meaning into a little tighter them along the lines of what I said above. I see several great themes here and I think it would give a lot more punch to see which ones really fit in 1 song. There may be parts of several here, to my eye, thematically speaking.<BR/><BR/>Cadence:<BR/>Also, it's hard to tell without the melody, but if you just visually look and read through verse 1 and 2, it's hard to see that they have similar rhythm, cadence or length. know what I mean? Same with verse 3. If, by contrast, you look at "we wait on you" for example, you can clearly tell that verse 1 and 2 are related. Some of that is because of the repetition. Look at some of your favorite worship songs and see what I mean. Especially if this song is meant as a congregational song, if you learn the first verse, you want to ideally be able to jump right in and sign along on the second verse because it is musically so similar and obvious. Not sure if that is going to happen here.<BR/>I do especially love the visual imagery of a song playing from heart to heart.<BR/><BR/>I'm pretty sure you sang some of this to me and I remember loving some of the melodic hooks. Oh yeah, baby!<BR/><BR/>I wish the roads weren't all iced up or I'd meet you at the church and we could sing through these ideas and do some co-writing!<BR/><BR/>Hang in there bud!<BR/><BR/>jasonjchollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14009689343714820119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4076480658530028659.post-27624662282108550382008-12-22T09:31:00.000-08:002008-12-22T09:31:00.000-08:00First, let me say again, I love this blog format. ...First, let me say again, I love this blog format. It gives me time, when I have time, to thoughtfully respond and let's the whole world in on the conversation. That can't help but make our songs better! Woohoo!<BR/>Second, I think you need to make individual posts for each song. It's too hard to make comments on all three scrolling up and down, figuring out which one to reference.<BR/>Third, I absolutely love your approach: pray, search the scriptures, follow in the footsteps of others who have loved God and learn from their prayers and songs and try to draw inspiration from them and sing a new song inspired by them.<BR/>As far as a general overview, I think you've got some great material to work with there. It's hard to say too much without hearing some of the melodic ideas.<BR/>I don't know if blogger has an option that you can turn on that people can actually see the blog post on the same page as they are writing their comment, but I guess I can switch back and forth between tabs for now. Actually, I'm going to make some more comments, separated by song here.jchollarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14009689343714820119noreply@blogger.com